Merry Christmas!

I guess Vegas seems like a strange place to spend Christmas, but it's a pretty cool place and there are tons of decorations, trees decked out, and all the lights you could want. Check out these pics we took of some Christmas stuff. First we have the ever exciting Christmas balls. Ha! Then you've got your typical gigantically overdone tree at the Bellagio.

Have a Merry Christmas. We will.

Vegas Baby!

This place is like Disneyland on drugs 24-7! It's amazing. You can walk around with a drink, even on the street, you can gamble, go to shows, do nothing at all, people watch (humans are interesting), go dancing (Donkey's favorite), go on roller coasters, see the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, and awesome hotels that are larger than some European cities.

We're staying at the Wynn. I especially like room service, the hot tub, and the naked chick statue by the waterfall. This place is off the hook! After our last, er, trip, lets just say we'll be high rollers for a little while. We've only been here a few days and we've already seen the whole hotel, watched the show (La Reve, niiiiiiiiiice. Women dancing around in water - need I say more?), and toured the Ferrari-Maserati museum. Gotta run. Off for more fun before Christmas!

I Could Tell You, But I'd Have to Kill You

I know it's been a really long time since our last communique, but we've been doing some, uh, special work. We were caught up in a military operation while finishing our vacation in Hawaii and touring the base there. Before we knew it, we were sworn to secrecy, given training and weapons for protection. I guess you could say I know how to handle a really big gun, eh? So then we had to carry out some tasks for the government. All I can really say is that the American people are much safer now than they were a couple months ago, thanks to my crazy skills, natural talent, and stunning good looks. I hope you understand my vagueness. I'm including the one and only photo of us during our recent journey. I can say that I'm in the best shape of my life and am enjoying the attention from the ladies. Yeah baby!

Love This Sweet Suite

I am hot-tubbing it tonight. I'm tired after two days of walking, snorkeling, hiking, and eating in Kauai. I am a little sad that the cruise is just about over, but I'm going to enjoy every last second of it! Besides, I thought you might want a pic of my dead sexy body steaming up the place. Cheers!

Kauai Hawaii

Okay, now Kauai is my favorite. This place is unreal. It's even better than Far Far Away. We rented a car and drove up the eastern coast. We found huge caves, beautiful beaches and a really cool botanical garden, the Na Aina Kai Gardens at the northern end. We decided to do a tour of the garden, which was well worth it.

Kona Hawaii

Kona is another town on the big island and it's even more amazing than Hilo. Check out this sunset we saw.

We went swimming with the dolphins. That is something I'll never forget because the guide said I could ride one of them and when I tried, the poor guy couldn't hold my weight. I guess being in the water didn't help enough to keep us both afloat. Donkey did get to take a ride and said they should make a ride like that at Disneyland.

Hilo Hawaii

Hilo there! We stopped in this place called Hilo on the big island. Our fresh flower leis didn't make it to this stage and we had to be rid of them. Unfortunately, we did not get leid again.

Our latest thing was a helicopter ride around the island. I wanted them to drop me off in a deserted spot with a private swamp-like feel, but they refused saying something about liability this or that. Donkey was real nervous about the ride at first, then when he realized he got to wear a headset so he could talk the whole time, he was ready to go. Next stop: Kona. Can't imagine it could be nicer than this.

Hey Mike, we heard you finally became a dad and your little tyke made it into the world okay. Good to hear. Now we're going to do a lot of relaxing since you won't be. You can relax vicariously through us. Congratulations buddy!

Cruising Hawaii

We're in! We're taking a cruise of the Hawaiian Islands. Check out our diggs. This room is sweet! We got a great big room because I'm a great big, handsome, awesome, sexy guy. Oh yeah, and there's Donkey, my noble steed. We're sailing Norwegian's Pride of America for a 7 night cruise with all the food, sun, and water anyone could want.

I love it here. We only just started yesterday and I'm already ready to live here forever. I don't have to do anything but relax. Someone comes in and cleans up the place, makes the beds, and leaves little candies on the pillows. They even make stuff out of the towels. Last night we got back to the suite and found a hand towel made into the shape of an elephant. An elephant!

I hear there's going to be a show tonight in the giant theater room. I'm hoping we can attend without Donkey rushing the stage for his version of "I'm a Believer."

Hey Mike, good luck on that baby coming tonight. I'm sure he'll be here quicker than you can say, "Please pass the eyeballs" eh?

Livin the Hawaiian Dream

I love a good luau. All the fire throwing (those guys are amazing), the girls doing the hula and the great food. Donkey bet me a whole platter that I wouldn't try to do the hula. I wasn't about to lose that bet. So I grabbed up a grass skirt and gave it a shot. "Hula, hula, hula [shake, shake, shake]. Hula, hula, hula [shake, shake, shake]." It was better that Donkey could not find the camera for this rendition. Don't expect to see it ever again. But I did get my second platter!

We also took a nice long walk on the beach before we went snorkeling. The water is incredible here. You can even see the green color of your toes through it because it's so clear.

We're having a great time. Can't wait to board the ship tomorrow for the cruise. Woo hoo!

Aloha Hawaii!

Aloha!

We are loving Hawaii. We've made it to Honolulu and have a great view from the room. The weather is perfect and we finally got leid! Mine is white and Donkey's is red. He he he. We have tons of stuff planned for the next few days. We'll keep you posted.

Hollywood Sights

We spent a week checking out the area. We stopped to take a photo with the famous Hollywood sign but I accidentally caught the camera in the cab door when the wind blew the door closed too fast and broke the camera. We got another camera while shopping at Hollywood and Highland Mall. They have everything there and it's the most pretty shopping mall we've ever seen. We also saw Grauman's Chinese Theater and the Walk of Fame and looked for Cameron's star. While we were there, we saw the strangest thing. Jesus and Satan having a conversation. We were waiting for a big rumble to go down, but Jesus turned the other cheek and diffused the situation. All in all, it was a good time.

Hollywood Hopefulls

Sorry it's been so long since our last blog. We were trying to make our way to Hawaii but then we (argued about what to do next and) decided to see a little more of southern California, especially Hollywood. Those Hollywood types are a little strange. We got to see a few stars, including Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. Justin Timberlake is a lot shorter than I thought he would be. He's like a cute little midget in real life. Never would have guessed that one. And he kept calling me "homie" for reasons I will never understand. Cameron (we're on a first name basis now) was great. She has the most amazing mouth, I mean voice. Almost as if I've heard it somewhere before....

Last Day at Disneyland

Woo!

We had a great time at Disneyland. Donkey was afraid to ride Splash Mountain, but I told him I'd give him a parfait if he gave it a shot. As usual, he liked it. I think we rode it 5 times. We were both drenched by the time we were done.

It's time to move on to something new. Not sure where we're going next. But I know Donkey will drive me crazy wherever we go. (Don't tell anyone, but I guess I would miss him if he were gone.)

Well, anywho, hope you're all having a great time at home.

Disneyland

Our first stop is Disneyland. It's great here! All the people are really nice, it's beautiful (but not quite as nice as Far Far Away) and you can't beat the location! But I'm having second thoughts about bringing Donkey. He's driving me crazy with the talking.

Notice my Mickey ears? I almost got into a brawl over them because they didn't have them in my size. Why should they discriminate against me just because I'm an ogre? I was about to take on the little girl behind the counter when Donkey reminded me that we're on vacation and that a little friendly smile (ugh) and a breath mint go a long way. I made a deal with Donkey. He could have Mickey ears too if he shut up for 5 minutes. That didn't last long.

We're Off!

Donkey and I decided we needed a long overdue vacation from that stuffy old office Mike kept us locked up in. So, we're off! We left yesterday and left our good buddy, Rufus the gnome, in our stead until we return. Headed to southern California from the San Francisco area. This is gonna be great! Don't think we'll be back by the time Mike's little swimmer is ejected into the world after having been cooking for 9 months. I might even have time for a nice swamp bath! Nothing better than getting all dirty.